Paintballer thought it might add some entertainment. so here you go
broken5hift said:Well where to begin, I guess the question “will this void my warranty” is a good place to start. YES. Ok good, now that that’s taken care of….. warranties are like those questions that can never be answered, “will this void my warranty” “does GOD exist” “what came first the chicken or the egg?” well, yes it will void your warranty, yes GOD exists,. And he created the chicken so you can say cock and mean a farm animal. Plus its always a great reminder that no matter how shitty your day is, at least your not shitting an object out your ass the size of your head. That’s always a plus. Poor chickens….. where was I…. cocks…cocks cocks cocks….oh right, dealerships. See none of you saw that coming you all thought I was just saying cocks for no reason but then boom, I tie it right in. if this were a basketball game id be screaming “AND 1” and throwing my hands up like I got a bug on my hands. I hate bugs.
So what is a warranty anyways? It’s a unicorn… you heard me, it’s a magical winged’d beast with a horn and magical powers. Mainly because on paper they both seem realistic enough. But once you realize you just bought a mule with a carrot on its head, or a piece of paper that says “SUCKER” on the back of it, you get the same feeling, the feeling of being screwed, really really hard. A lot of people just don’t understand the warranty. They hear the advertisement on the TV about how the car has “Americas #1 Warranty!” and they think “wow they must really stand behind their cars!” its about this time im strapping the carrot to Maurice the mule in hopes of passing him off as a unicorn to you…. Hes got magical powers!!!!! Theres been a lot of hype about how the manufacturers find out who you are before you even bring your car in to find out that your warranties already voided before you even ever needed any service. The internet? Well youd have to be stupid not to think signing up for autocrosses and drag events online or through other sites are untraceable, most of the time the manufacturer is the one sponsoring the event, we call this the fish in barrel technique. The warranty world is a very large money maker for the dealer, they get reimbursed for pretty much everything from manufacturers and also from the average joe that’s paying that $80 an hour labor rate. Ouch.
It still amazes me people buy the “entended warranty” I mean cmon……… I know crack is good, but did you really need to smoke it before you went to the dealership, look what happened, you just got punk’d. everytime someone buys an extended warranty ashton kutcher runs out from behind a wall and yells “YOU JUST GOT PUNKED! OMG IM SO GOOD! SOMEONE LOOK AT ME” and he’s right, not only is he good on the eyes but you’ve just been had. You can pretty much tell if your warranty is going to be voided with three simple questions.
1. do you ever go over 65 mph?
2. are you going to actually drive your car?
3. are you going to do “anything” to your car?
If you answered “yes” to any of them, your warranty has already been voided. Thanks for playing, I think we have a unicorn for you for the parting gift (I love that unicorn analogy). Dealerships say they look for “tell tale signs” of use and abuse. Were you racing? Well we can tell if you have oil or trans fluid lining you your cars internals… WHO THE FUCK DOESN’T HAVE SOMETHING LEAKING SOMEWHERE?! Id love to ask them how the fuck they expect to sell me a car that will not show any signs of use or aging., cause I will trade my car in right now for a car that’s gonna go 10 years with perfect seals and show no stress on its parts even if I drive it like that old lady with the white afro hair, with the three inch thick glasses and inability to see over the horn. This is what I was talking about with the whole magical warranty thing. Whether or not you think you fit the profile, you do. You’re a racer who abuses your ride. And when you go to the dealer they slap you with a name badge that says that, and then they point you to the crying corner, cause all your gonna be doing after your lemons trans blow and your warranty is denied because there was some residue on your trans plate is cry like a mother fucker. Maybe throw a hissy fit, depending on how much you feel like putting into the whole thing….. so, back to the whole “America’s #1 warranty!” thing, you want a warranty? Get a good mechanic. That’s a warranty. Know your car and how to take care of it, that a warranty. Be ready to accept the consequences of your actions. If you want a race car you gotta keep it running like one cause you cant treat a car like a daily driver but race it like your in indy. Somethings gonna go quick, and its usually the cash from your wallet. But if your smart you cut your loses on the warranty, bought the car, prayed it wouldn’t be a lemon, and just enjoyed it through all its up and downs. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to go try and figure out why my BOV is a piece of shit….