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HEADLINE

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, California;

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
California's third language;

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops &
livestock;

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped;

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million;

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory
of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and
Lebanon);

Iraq still closed off, physicists estimate it will take at least
ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels;

Castro finally dies at age 112;

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only;

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss;

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative;

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil
rights;

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants;

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches;

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows
so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed;

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036;

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts;

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
congressman;

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.


LOL
 
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